Evil Dead 4: Final Wars
by Spidey3000
Summary: After Ash defeats the Evil once and for all, Ash believes he's done fighting evil. But an army of psychotic killers is just asking for a face full of boomstick.
1. prolouge

**Disclaimer: I may not own Evil Dead, Halloween, Nightmare on Elmstreet, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, Scream, Hitchhiker 2: I've been waiting, Dead Silent, The Hills Have Eyes, or Child's Play, but I do own...um, I have some OC's right?**

**Anyway, I figured that if there was a to be a sequel to Army of Darkness( which I also don't own by the way), Ash should get a break from fighting the Evil Dead, though all of his enemies in this story are evil, and in the end are gonna be dead. I also don't think I will finish the Smasher for a while, at least not until my skills improve. I hope you like this story, please review.**

The Begining

"I should never have gone to that cabin. However, since hindsight is 20-20, I guess there was no way I could see it coming. While staying at a cabin for an innocent weekend in the woods, we found the book that has to this day ruined my life: the Necronomicon, or Book of the Dead. A tape recording of the books first pages unleashed a horrible evil that killed my sister, my best friends girl, my best friend, and worst of all Linda. I was then forced to dismember their re-animated bodies, which had become deadites, as I would later call them. It then came for me, and I became a deadite.

"God must have smiled upon me that morning, because right after that, the sun came up drove the demon away, or so I thought. Unfortunately, I was forced to stay another night in the cabin. I lost my hand to another attempt at possesion. After cutting it off, I replaced my hand with a specially designed chainsaw. I was joined later by a hot girl named Annie, who was apparently looking for her dad, who made the recording without knowing the consequences.

"We found out that the only way to stop the Book's power was to find the missing pages, and recite a spell to stop it's evil. The pages were in the basement. Problem: the basement contained a deadite woman, who happened to be Annies mom, the first victim of the Evil. So, we destroyed her, got the pages, and Annie read the spell...well most of it. My possesed hand stabbed her before she could finish it. Though it was successful in stoping the deadites, it opened up a vortex, which sent me back in time to 1300 A.D.

"At first the locals and I had some disagreements...they believed that I was a soldier of Henry the Red, who they had just defeated it battle, and that that meant it was okay for them to throw me in the pit of doom...and I disagreed. After I killed a few deadites, climbed out of the pit of doom right before the walls closed in on me, showed king Arthur what a boomstick could do to a sword, and forced them at gunpoint to release Henry the Red, who wasn't such a bad guy by the way, they decided that I was the promised one to save them from the deadites...and I still disagreed. However, since they weren't trying to kill me, I decided, hey, what the heck, at least I get to kill deadites.

"I later met a girl named Sheila who had wanted to apologize for earlier ill-treatment. Some time after slept with her, she was taken by deadites. Some wizard guy, who had helped me by throwing my chainsaw into the Pit of Doom, told me about the Book, and told me that I'd have to find the Book of the Dead, and recite the three little words that Annie didn't say(no, not I love you). Only then would I return home.

"After fighting an evil, version of myself on the way there, whom I refer to as Bad-Ash, and burying him, I went to find the book in an abandoned, very large cemetary. I found it in the center of the graveyard, which apparently was filled with bodies that were all in the exact same state of decay, which I'll explain later. I couldn't remember the exact word, and mispronounced them. Apparently, while not awakening the Evil in the form that it had been before, it woke up the skeletons of the people buried there, in a very deadite-ish form. I decided to leave with the book before they attacked.

"I returned to Arthur's kingdom, and gave them a brief intro on how to fight deadites, and converted my Oldsmobile into a weapon that was great for fighting skeletal deadites. King Arthur apologized for being such a bad judge of character, and trying to kill me. He wasn't such a bad guy after all. An army of skeletons led by Bad Ash attacked the castle, and we were barely able to hold them off. When it seemed that they were about to get into the castle, I drove them back from the gate using the Oldsmobile. A deadite version of Sheila caused me to crash the Oldsmobil, and retreat back to the castle. Bad-Ash's army broke through most of the defenses, and almost got the Book, but after a long fight with Bad-Ash, in which I launched him into the air, and blew him up, I was able to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Henry the Red showed up with an army, and finished off the army of Deadites. The two factions of humans eventually resolved their issues peacefully. The wizard reminded me what the words were, and I started to leave. Sheila, now a human again for some reason, begged me to stay. They even offered to make me king, but I refused; my place is here."

Ash finished his story on that note, leaving his coworker, Bob, who had probably stopped listening a while ago. He asked if Ash had said the words right, and Ash gave his usual answer: "Well, close enough," mainly just to leave his annoying coworker with the thought that he might have re-awakened the Evil. He new that he had said the words exactly, as the wizard had written them down for him, and even given him a pronunciation guide. He also left out what he did with the Book, which he had thrown into a volcanoe, along with all the pages he had collected from the basement. Bob finally left, having annoyed him into telling the story, which Bob didn't believe, but wanted to hear, just to see if he was as crazy as they said he was.

Ash was tired of new employees asking him to tell him the story of how he almost became king. It had been several months and the memories still hurt. It wasn't like any of them believed him anyway. Even his group of close friends didn't quite believe him, but knew he would never kill a fly let alone all of his friends, and girlfriend. The police, after he took a lie-detector test, and hypnotherapy, and still gave the same story, decided that he must have a deep rooted case of insanity, and was commited to an asylum. However, they did find evidence that maybe his friends had been the ones that attacked him, not the other way around, and that they hadn't been under their own will.

They gave him some story about how Mrs. Knowby had made a tape that brainwashed people into becoming killers, and that she had done this after a skin-disease caused her to go insane, and her husband locked her in the basement. Ash had pretended not to notice the obvious plot holes in the story, and was pronounced sane. Sad thing is, the police weren't pretending to believe it.

Now, several months later, he was once again working at S-Mart. He sighed as he put the boxes of utensels on the shelf. "I heard your story about how you almost became king." he turned around to see a red head standing next to him "I think it's kind of cute." _I've heard worse pickup lines, _he thought. Before he could responde, a she-bitch deadite came out of nowhere and attacked the S-mart. The critics of his story became believers, that day as he jumped onto a cart and gunned down the charging monster with his double-barrel remington, after yelling "Hey ugly, lets rumble," and introducing himself as "Ashley J. Williams; housewares." After the embodied force of great evil was dead, or redead, or whatever you wanna call it, he walked up to the red head, said "Hail to the king, baby!" made out with her for several hours, and went down in history as the nutjob that saved S-mart. He later found a very familiar tape recorder on the she-bitch's dead body. After hitting play, he shot it immediately upon hearing the first few words of the spell that had started it all. He took it out right before it could play the last sylable, thus keeping it from unleashing the Evil Dead in S-mart.

With the last incarnation of the Book of the Dead destroyed, Ash's life began to return to normal, with his new girlfriend, Elaine Stroder. In fact his life was better than normal, since he was offered a job as a cop. He took the job, and became a very good cop. It was alot easier than killing armies of deadites, and the pay was good. It seemed the Evil was gone forever. Unfortunately for him, the Book of the Dead, wasn't the only constantly returning force of evil in the world...

**Hope you like the story so far, because it gets better. Ash is going to be fighting some new enemies... well, new to him anyway. Look at the freakin disclaimer if you want more info. Please review, I don't care if it's signed or not. I don't care what you say about my story as long as it is helpful, and contains minimal profanity.**


	2. Unhappiness at Happy Hills

**I'm back, and I'm ready to deliver another chapter of what is turning out to be my best story yet. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Nightmare on Elmstreet, Dead Silent, Child's Play, The Hills Have Eyes, Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Storm of The Century, Scream, or Evil Dead.**

Happy Hills Insane Assylum was anything but a happy place. For inside were some of the worst serial killers alive. In fact, the place was built to contain people who should have gotten the chair. Everyone in the town knew this, but happily pretended that there was no danger. Why else build S-mart Super Center right next to it? Or a Home Depot on the other side? There's no way that could backfire, right? Little did the people of the town know, that their idea was even dumber than it seems; for what they didn't know was that Happy Hills was also a place to study killers with a supernatural origin.

The was where the U.S. government dumped all the unusual cases: Michael Myers, Jason Vorheeze, Chucky, Leatherface, Freddy Krueger's still living head, a group of evil killing dolls controlled by Mary Shaw, and many, many more. Funny how man puts all his potential problems together in one building between two potential sources of weapons.

Happy Hills Insane Assylum Basement Floor

A seemingly harmless old man was sitting on the floor of his cell. The security guard was sitting outside the cell, very board. He hated watching this old man, and was waiting for his shift to end so he could go home, and watch his "Girls Gone Wild" videos. Then, he heard something coming from the cell. He walked up to the glass, and looked in. The old man for some odd reason was singing "Sexual Healing" and seemed to be attempting to dance.

He didn't know about the strange powers the old man had. He didn't see the janitor mopping the floor just around the corner, hear the janitor singing the same song at the same time, so thus he couldn't know that Linoge was actually duplicating the Janitor's movements exactly. So all he could think of to say was "Man, white people can't dance," At that moment, the handle of a mop was slammed through his back, and out his chest. The janitor was now fully under the old man's control. The last thing he heard was "Looks like your not going to watch 'Girls Gone Wild' afterall."

Meanwhile, a scientist was examining a wolf-headed cane that had belonged to one of the worst killers in the Assylum, unaware that he was about to die a horrible death. "Amazing" he said "the cane seems to have it's own aura of evil, greater than even the evil emenating from Freddy's head," "Bitch, where's my body," yelled Freddy's decapitated head. The scientist just ignored him. "You'll be reunited with you're body soon enough" said a voice. The young scientist tried to call security, but was never had a chance, for his arms and legs were broken in seconds. His last words were "who are you?" "I am Linoge," the old man said "And you are dead."

**Linoge is from Storm of the Century, which is a book by Stephan King. His ability to control people that are singing withing a specific area is an idea I got when watching the mini-series on SciFi. I haven't read the book though. Anyway, which horror movie killer should Ash kill first? I'm saving Linoge for last, but almost any other killer I can do. I came up with the idea for this place a while ago. I figured if the government found Freddy Krueger's head, they would want to study it. If it was still talking, there'd be a massive cover-up. Same thing if they found a killer doll. In fact, I can just see them disecting Chucky. Anyway, ass will be kicked next chapter. **


	3. Andy's attack

**Disclaimer: Maybe someday I'll own Dead Silent, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elmstreet, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Child's Play, Psycho, Hitchhiker (not _The _Hitchhiker, just Hitchhiker), Halloween, and Stephen King's Storm of the Century, but for now, I don't, so I guess I'll just have to live with this fanfic.**

**This chapter will have some ass kicking, but I don't think I'll pick off the main killers yet. You'll also get to see Ash doing his new job. I plan to have him kill some of the lesser psychopaths first. On to the story.**

Happy Hills, basement, lab 1

"Who the Hell are you, and where the hell is my body?" were the first things that Freddy said to Linoge.

"Your body is in the storage chambers, which are conveniently located just down the hall," Linoge said "One must wonder, how stupid where the people that built this place?" "As for your first question, I am called Linoge, which is all you need to know about me." Freddy demanded that he be brought to his body. "Why Freddy, be patient; your body is already on it's way here.

Happy Hills, basement, storage room 6

A box in storage room 6 suddenly opened of it's own accord. The security guard, not knowing what it contained, slowly walked up to it, with his gun out. All he wanted to do was go home and watch "Assaconda", maybe order himself some strippers, and shoot up. He knew that freaky shit happened here on a daily basis, and thus didn't want to know anything about that box. He decided that he had to shut the box, and that to do that he must get within two feet of it. He ran up to it, and pointed his gun inside it.

All that was inside was a dead body, without a head. He felt like the biggest sissy in the world. What could a dead body do to him? Before he could sigh in relief though, the question was answered for him as a clawed hand pulled him into the box. The lid closed, and the box shook violently. The lid opened again as a geyser of blood squirted out, and the headless body of Freddy Krouger emerged holding the head of a stupid security guard.

Cabin, somewhere in the woods at the edge of town.

Ash was off duty, but was still on a mission. He now owned the cabin where he had experienced trauma beyond belief. It was where he had sliced Linda to pieces after she had tried to kill him, where he had dismembered his own sister, where Annie had been stabbed by his own hand (though the hand wasn't under his control). It seemed to loom over him ominously. He threw a rock through one of the windows that wasn't already broken. The rock, though it broke the window, didn't do much damage to the cabin. However, a bulldozer would be coming in a few minutes, and it would do alot more damage than a rock.

Happy Hills, basement.

Every security guard and janitor that had been between Freddy's head and his body was now dead, leaving nothing to stop Freddy from becoming whole again. However, there was one man in the building who wasn't enough of a coward to run away and let that happen. His name was Andy Barclay, and he was a janitor, a job for which he was over-qualified, but took when he found out about a certain evil doll from hell that was living down here. He to the room that the body was headed for, having been informed of it's intentions by a fleeing scientist. However when he got there it was too late. Freddy Krouger was back in one piece.

He proved that he was either incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid, by standing between Freddy and the way out of the room, armed with only a mop, and a consealed machete. "Get out of the way, bitch," Freddy said, knowing that he wouldn't. Not one for talking before a fight, Andy took a swing at him with the mop. Freddy cut the mop in half with his claws and stabbed at Andy. Andy dodged, and slashed Freddy with the machete. He tried to fininsh him off with a slash to the head, but Freddy caught his arm, and started bitch-slapping him with the gloved hand. Andy fell to the floor, unconcious. Freddy was about to finish him off, when Linoge stopped him "This one will come in handy when we release Chucky." He said, with an evil smile on his face "We'll just leave him here for now."

After defeating Andy, they went to the section where evil dolls/puppets were held . Mary Shaw, Chucky, Slappy, Mr. Woods and a dummy named Hugo that Linoge deemed to be useless and thus killed, were the only inmates in this section. After being released, Chucky refused to tell anyone about his past until he found a kid named Andy Barclay. Linoge led him to where they had left the young janitor, but he was long gone. Linoge figured he must have crawled off somewhere to die, but he was wrong. Andy was already out of the building.

Linoge went through the basement, freeing all the monsters, and killing everyone who stood in his way. The speed in which he took over was so great that noone had time to get a message to the surface. His little army now consisted of a squad of ventriliquest dummies controlled by the ghost of Mary Shaw, an evil doll named Chucky, a cannible named Leatherface, another cannible named Papa Jupiter, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krouger. There was just one left to release. As soon as Freddy saw who it was, he rushed at him with his claws raised, but Linoge pointed his cane at him, and he froze in place. He was then thrown into a wall by an invisible force. "You work for me now Freddy," the old man said menacingly "So your just going to have to work with Jason Vorheez!"

Woods on the Edge of Town.

Ash watched as the cabin where he had suffered so much misery was destroyed. This would be the beginning of a new chapter in his life; a chapter without deadites, demons, or evil books with the power to kill people. What he didn't know was that he would soon be fighting far worse things than deadites. He went back to work; his break was over.

**Will Andy be okay? Will Ash be able to kick the asses of every horror movie villain I could think of?Will I be able to remain true to Ash's character? Like I'd tell you, find out next chapter. Happy Easter!**

**I also thought I should say that this fic was inspired by Duel. Read that story.**


	4. Return of the King

**I'm ba-ack, and I'm not gonna be leaving any time soon. I have returned from my long exile, and I don't think you know how blessed we are as fans to have this site.**

**Disclaimer: I finally bought all the rights for The Hitcher, Scream, Dead Silent, Nightmare on Elmstreet, The Hills Have Eyes, Friday The 13th, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Psycho, Stephan King's Storm of the Century and Evil Dead. Unfortunately, I lost them horribly and tragically, and now I'm back to writing fanfic. So I don't own them anymore.**

**Hope you like this chapter, because I had to go through hell for it. I may have written a few stories for TtH, but this is where my fans are. **

Happy Hills, 3rd floor

The blond man named Jack Ryder was in his cell, patiently waiting for a chance to get out. In the cell right next to him was another killer named Bob. Both thought themselves to be the most legendary killers here. Then again, most of the psychopaths here thought themselves to be legendary. Bob had been in some Enzyte commercials before he snapped and massacred several people he didn't even know, while Jack had been blown up by the wife of a man whom he had killed while hitchhiking. He was known as the Hitcher, since that was how he met most of his victims. Neither of them knew about what went on in the basement of the building.

The security guard named Bill was thinking about drugs, alcohal, and porn when it happened: the doors of all the cells opened. Knowing that he would be surrounded by homicidal psychopaths in minutes, he pulled out his gun and started to run for his life. He turned a corner only to find a large amount of psychopaths heading his way. He tried to turn back, but he was surrounded. He tried to shoot his way out but Jack grabbed his gun and shot him through the gut. Bob found an axe in a glass case conveniently hanging on the wall. The last thing Bill heard before he was decapitated was "Maybe you should have tried natural male enhancement."

Happy Hills, 1st floor

Killers rushed down the stares, and piled into the elevators, all headed for the first floor. The psychiatrists were all pretty much dead, and the surviving security guards all fled the building. The janitors were right there with them. Murderers of all sorts swarmed out of the building. In the chaos, another elevator opened up: the one that led to the basement. Unlike all the others, this group was organized, and they were far more dangerous than the rest. Linoge had freed all the killers above to make escape easier. He knew nothing of the fate of what he was after, but he did know who might know where it was. Thus, he planned to take Ashley J. Williams alive. He sent Jason on a special mission. "Jason, remember the people in the shiny badges that made it so hard to kill those deserving teens? Well I know where they reside, and I need you to take care of them for me..."

S-Mart Super Center

As Ash drove to S-Mart to pick up his girlfriend, he found that it was in chaos as people wielding every tool item in the store that was potentially dangerous rushed out. Without a second thought, he ran inside. People in what appeared to be hospital robes, were stealing everything that wasn't nailed downed down.

A man who looked like the guy from those stupid Enzyte commercials ran at him with a scythe and yelled "Looks like you should try natural male enhancement!". He caught the scythe as Bob tried to slice his head of with it. The man then pulled out a drill, but he caught it with his robotic hand. "For you information, I don't need your natural male enhancement to fell good about myself," Ash said as he broke Bob's wrist "unlike you, Micro-dick." he then punched Micro-... Bob in the balls with his metal hand, causing him to let go of his scythe. He then sliced Bob's... lets just say Bob got circumsized, shall we? "Problem with using Enzyte to solve all your problems is that you can make it big, but ya can't grow it back." Just like that, a long line of annoying commercials ended.

Several other killers saw what happened and turned to face Ash. "Come get some," he said. Five killers ran at him, two with drills, two with knives, and one had a board with a nail in it. He made quick work of them with the scythe. He then noticed another killer wielding a chainsaw, with a leather bag over his face. He recognized the killer immediately, and knew that it was hopeless to fight this guy with a scythe. While Ash was very brave, he wasn't fearless, however, he had always faced his fears before, and he wasn't afraid of Leatherface. As Leatherface reved up his chainsaw, and did his famous dance, Ash said "Come get some,"

He swung his scythe at Leatherface, but the chainsaw cut the sickle in half, leaving him with a wooden stick. He backed away from the killer, and tried to hit him with what was left of the handle, knowing it wouldn't work. Leatherface reduced the remains of Ash's weapon to sawdush. Ash knew he was screwed, but he then noticed something that made his near doom seem a hundred times worse: Leatherface was wearing high-heals. _I'm about to be killed by a retarded transvestite,_ he thought _Boy am I gonna be the laughing stock of heaven. _

Meanwhile, Ash's girlfriend, Lisa Stroder, was having her own problems. A psychopath wearing what appeared to be a spray painted William Shatner mask, was hunting her with a knife. She grabbed a nail gun from the shelf next to her as she was running, turned around, and shot out both of his eyes. _Good thing Ash taught me how to shoot,_ She thought to herself, _though I doubt he ever thought I'd have to shoot a homicidal, William Shatner wanna be in the eyes with a nail gun. _While this would have at least knocked out any normal man, it merely blinded Michael Myers. He started wildly swinging his knife in front of him, but she just crept out of the way, and hit him from behind with a conveniently placed chair. She was long gone by the time he got up. As she ran she noticed one of those new, solar-powered chainsaws; unlike other chainsaws, they didn't need to be revved up, and could be started by flicking a switch. She grabbed it off the shelf; she figured it would be a great present for Ash.

Ash backed away from Leatherface, and searched the ground for a weapon. It was at that moment that a miracle happened. His girlfriend saw him, and threw the chainsaw to him. He caught it with his robotic hand. He had seen ads for the new solar-powered chainsaws on t.v., but didn't know how to start it. "How do you start this crazy thing?" he yelled to his girlfriend as he dodged Leatherface's chainsaw. Lisa pulled out an instruction manual, and started to read it, while Ash continued to avoid being sliced into pieces by Leatherface. "It says 'to start the engine, pull the yellow switch' " Ash complied; the engine started, but the blades didn't start spinning.

"The book says 'there is a space in the back of the chainsaw, put one hand in that space and grab the handle inside, you will notice there is a trigger attached to the handle, pull that trigger to make the blade spin." Ash reached into the space with his metal hand, and did exactly as he was told. The blade began to spin.

"Thanks, Candypants," Ash said to his girlfriend. He then turned to Leatherface "Come get some, girly boy." The great battle began, chainsaw against chainsaw, until only one remained standing. Meanwhile Ash's girlfriend, unaware of Jack, who was right behind her, continued to read the directions out loud. "We hope you enjoy you new, solar-powered chainsaw. Please be careful, chainsaws are not to be played with. Remember, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt."

**I kind of figured you guys were itching for some Ash-kicking, so I put some in this story. I will try to update as much as I can during spring break, but I'm behind in alot of things, so I'm gonna have to bust my ass to get caught up afterward. I hope you liked the violence, and the humor. I got the ideas for Leatherface wearing high-heels from "TCM: Next Generation" wear he is a transvestite. I thought that was kind of stupid, but it seemed like a good way for Ash to diss on Leatherface.How am I at writing fight scenes? I kind of feel guilty for not updating the Smasher for a while, but there is only one person bothering to write reviews for that story so I am working on the one that is better liked. Sorry Gooey. I'd like to point out another good story at the moment: "Ash Goes Horocrux Hunting" by the Sacred And Profane. It was one of the two main inspirations for this story. It's a good story, but be warned, there's a reason it's not in the Harry Potter section. A new chapter was recently added, you should read it. Please R&R this story.**


	5. The SMart Chainsaw Massacre

**This is the chapter that TtH didn't want you to see. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything I mention in this story, except for Lisa, but she isn't quite an OC, she is actually the girl that Ash makes out with at the end of Army of Darkness, but her character was never developed much in the movie; she isn't even named. **

**I am writing this for my fans...on with the story... **

_S-mart Supercenter _

Elaine Lisa Stroder watched the fight intently. Her boyfriend was engaged in battle with one of the most notorious killers of all time, both wielding chainsaws. She was so focused on the fight, that she didn't notice the blond, buck-toothed man not two feet behind her. Jack Ryder plan went over his plan of attack as the two men fought.

Ash knocked Leatherface's chainsaw out of the way, as the killer cut down on him. He then swung his chainsaw across the big man's chest, cutting through the heart and lungs. This should have been a killing blow, but Leatherface didn't even seem hurt. He again tried to hit Ash with his chainsaw, but Ash dodged to the side, cut through Leatherface's side with the chainsaw. "That all you got, Ms. Girlyboy?" Ash yelled. The fight continued.

Jason walked into the front door of the police station. "Excuse me sir, can I help you?Sir?" the cop at the desk asked, but Jason just kept walking towards him. He then yelled to the other police officers "Yo, we got a psychopath here..." were his last words, as Jason grabbed him by the throat, and slammed his head into the desk, killing him instantly. Other officers in the pulled out there guns and issued a warning, but bullets hardly mattered. As he slowly walked through the police station, killing every thing in sight Terminator style (except with a machete instead of a gun), the warnings stopped, as did the warning shots, and soon they were just shooting. Soon, the shooting stopped; since Jason never used firearms, and everyone else was dead.

i S-mart Supercenter /i

Ash and Leatherface continued their duel. Ash definitely had an advantage when it came to speed, but he was starting to get tired. He already had a nasty gash in his arm, compliments of Leatherface's chainsaw. He knew he had to end the fight quickly. Leather face did a wide, slash with his chainsaw. Ash, instead of dodging it, like he had done before, ducked under it, and cut Leatherface's arm off. The killer attack manuever the chainsaw as well with one arm, and thus he couldn't keep Ash at a distance, which was his only defence. He tried to swing the chainsaw one more time, but Ash was already to close for comfort.

Ash then cut his other arm off, leaving him defenseless, and stabbed him through the stomach with his chainsaw. He then cut a perfect circle in his lower torso. Leatherface kicked him in the sack, hard. Then, the insane cannibal hit him in the face with his knee. The killer than tried to kick him while he was down, but a kick to the groin stopped him. Ash then got up and finished the killer for good by slicing him in half with his chainsaw. "Looks like you not gonna be able to find a dress to match those shoes, girlyboy."

It was at this moment Ash heard Lisa scream. He turned around to see a blond, buck-toothed man in his 30s pointing a sawed off shot gun at him with one arm, and holding Lisa hostage with the other. "I would put that chainsaw down if I were you, wouldn't want yer girlfriend to get hurt, would ya?" from his accent, Ash could tell the man was a Texan, and from his expression, he could tell the man was probabley insane; that couldn't be a good combination. Ash did what the man said. "Now that's much better," said the man. "that chainsaw's a dangerous item, and I wouldn't want you to slip and cut yourself by accident." he then introduced himself "My name is Jack Ryder, and I already know what you name is," the man laughed. "Now the three of us is gonna have some fun," he said, licking Lisa's neck. "Oh, I wouldn't say that,"

Jack looked behind him to see a man standing only five yards away with a machete. The man then whipped out a machete and threw it into Jack's back faster than Ash could think of a witty-one-liner. Jack fell on his face died, after which his bowls released, proving he was dead. "Since now there are only two of the people of which you speak." Said the man. Ash grabbed the gun, and pointed it at him. "Ya better talk buddy, unless you want a face full of boomstick! I think you may know what the hells going on" "I'm Andy Barclay, ex-marine, janitor, and yes, I do know what the hell is going on here," said Andy Barclay. He then told them everything that happened at Happy Hills Insane Assylum.

A/N: It's good to be back, I missed you all so much (cries), but anyway, I think I'll update the Smasher when I'm done with this story, but I will update it. I don't hate TtH, I just found their guidelines a bit strict; they actually have alot of good fanfic. I put a story on there that I won't put on this site. I just dislike the fact that they can quarantine stories.


	6. Andy's Got Issues

**No one has updated their story or reviewed mine. I find that highly unusual. Is their a bug? Well, I guess it's cause people have to go to work, or school. I have another idea for a fanfic, but not until I'm done with this one. I will make Andy's back-story short but sweet. I wanted to clarify something before someone actually notices it: Ash's girlfriend's name is Elaine Lisa Stroder, but she goes by Lisa...or Candypants. On with the disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story, not even Lisa. However, I do own your mama! On with the story...**

"Several years ago, all I wanted for my birthday was a GoodGuyDoll. My mom bought me cloths. She couldn't afford to get me the toy I wanted, but she got one off of a hobo. My life was in danger from the moment it said "Hi, I'm Chucky. What's your name?" This was before I knew it was evil, but it slowly told me all about itself... or should I say "him" self. His name was Charles Lee Ray: the Lakeshore Strangler. He didn't reveal that unhappy piece of information until he murdered my moms friend, and pinned it on me.

"At first they didn't believe me, but after I got arrested at the seen of another killing, my mom started to suspect Chucky. My mom became a believer when she found that Chucky had no batteries, and couldn't have been talking. He didn't kill my mom, but instead ran off somewhere. Detective Mike Norris didn't believe my mom until Chucky attacked him. He survived, and I got out of prison. After killing his voodoo instructer, he learned that he needed to find the first person to whom he revealed his true identity to take human form. Guess who that would be? Take a wild guess. That's right, me. My mom and Mike found out from the dying voodoo instructer that Chucky's heart was human, not plastic, and that was the way to kill him.

"Chucky tied me down, and began to do a voodoo ritual that would allow him to take over my body. Mom and Mike arrived just in time to throw his plastic ass into the fire. My mom thought he was dead, but after a few minutes, he came out of the fire, and Mike shot him through the heart, which killed him.

"My mom was sent to an insane assylum for testifying that Chucky was the killer. Guess they didn't examine the doll, cause the human heart would probably be substantial evidence that she was telling the truth. However, Play Pals, the company that made GoodGuy Dolls, still got a lot of bad publicity from the story of how one of their dolls supposedly started killing people. In order to put a stop to the rumor that it was true, they decided to reassemble Chucky's "body". Well, they somehow managed to do it without noticing the human heart (I swear, it must be invisible or something), and Chucky returned. I was nine years old.

"My foster sister and I managed to kill him, but not before he killed several people. He kidnapped me and tried to do the ritual, but it didn't work because he had been in he doll to long. He tried to kill me, but my step sister dumped him in hot plastic. He was still alive after that, so I stuck an active airhose in his mouth, blowing up his head. It would be years before Play Pals ever made GoodGuy dolls again.

"I ended up in military school a few years later. Play Pal decided that people had forgotten about that whole "killer doll" thing, and reintroduced the GoodGuy dolls. They really just ended up making Chucky a new body, since his plastic mixed with the plastic they used to make the dolls. On his way to killing me, he told a kid named Tyler his true identity, and thus ended up having to use Tyler in his attempts to get a new body instead of me. I noticed that there had been some killings in the school, and figured out what had been going on. I chased Chucky and Tyler into a carnival, and ended up fighting Chucky on a ride. I finally managed to kill him by throwing him into a fan. That little bastard still managed to frame me! I got a good lawyer, and managed to get a short time in jail, but not for murder. I got out on good behavior, and joined the Marines.

"I was later shipped to Iraq...but that's another story for another time. I later returned to the states, and heard rumors about the police being engaged in a fire-fight with two killer dolls. I tracked one of the dolls to Happy Hills Assylum, where I found a little secret that they didn't want the world to know about: they were doing experaments on supernatural killers in the basement! I got a job as a janitor, and ended up working in the basement floor. I tried to find a way to get to Chucky, but they had several protocalls to keep the janitors on that floor from even knowing what was going on, let alone finding specific freaks and killing them. I knew that if any of the killers were released, the men that they had hired for security would be doing everything within their training...to run like scared little girls. I figured Chucky or some other homicidal freaks would eventually escape, so I used my position as janitor to watch the killers in hopes that I would some day destroy Chucky's current form.

"The day came when a killer with strange powers named Linoge arrived. He escaped from the cell, and began release others. I noticed a headless body running through the hallway, killing people and decided to follow it. It ran into one of the labs that I wasn't allowed to enter, and I followed it without taking out my machete. The body I had been following now had a head on it's shoulders, and I got into a fight with it with my mop, but that didn't do much damage. I only managed to cut it once with my machete before it, or he, kicked my ass. It seemed to take orders from an old man with a wolf-head cane, I later learned that this Linoge. I heard something about 'may come in handy when we release Chucky...' but lost conciousness. I woke up to find I was the only person in the room.

"I heard voices out in the hall approaching my location. "So I can finally have revenge on that Barclay kid?" one said, which I recognized as the voice of Chucky. I found a small escape lift that led to the surface, and got in. I have no idea why they would have one in such a place, but I didn't question something that saved my life. When I got out, I was right next to the exit. I heard a noise the sound of hundreds of people rushing down one stair case. I walked out the door to my car and drove off.

"I headed to S-mart to get some supplies that I figured I'd need. Then the killers started rushing in, so for the last ten minutes I've been fighting for my life. I then saw you needed some help with blondie here, and you know the rest. I'm headed for the sports department to get some guns and ammo." Ash listened to Andy's story, and felt sympathy for the kid. He remembered his own problems with the law after he'd defeated the Evil Dead. "Kid, I like the way you think; your story may not sound too believable, but after what I've been through, I'd have to say I've seen stranger," He said. "However, the guns aren't kept in sporting goods," he said "They're in housewares."

After the introductions were over, they headed to the housewares section of the store. Most of the killers had either left, or died. The ones that were in the way met their fates by machete, by chainsaw, or by nail-gun. "So we'll get the guns, find a phone, call the police, and then just drive around town until we see one of the killers from the basement, and attack?" asked Andy upon hearing Ash's plan. "Can't you just call them on your walkie-talkie?" Ash told the kid that he had left it in the car.

They cut through the toy isle as they headed towards their destination. Ash asked Andy if he was sure that their was no way Chucky would ever be able to get a body again. "Well, Play Pals went out of business years ago, so I don't think there will be anymore GoodGuy Doll..." He stopped in horror as he saw two shelves full of dolls that looked exactly like Chucky. "When will these stupid fools learn?!" he yelled. They proceeded through the isle with caution. Lisa pointed her nail-gun in one direction, Ash pointed his boomstick in the other, and Andy had his machete ready in case one of the dolls started to move unexpectedly.

Suddenly, a doll fell off the shelf behind Andy. The doll started to say "Hi, I'm Chucky, wanna play?" but Andy ran up and chopped it to pieces. "I don't want to play with you you plastic bastard!!!" Andy yelled viciously. "Ah, I'm hurt," said a voice behind him. He turned around to see Chucky standing right next to him where the box containing the doll had been. "I can see you remember me quite well," he said as Andy backed into the shelf behind him. "You got real ugly," said Andy, regaining his confidence. "Hey, that's my line!" said Ash. Suddenly, two plastic arms grabbed Andy from behind. "How rude of me," said Chucky. I forgot to introduce my wife; Tiffany: Andy; Andy: Tiffany." The blond doll that was holding Andy smiled "Pleasure to meet you."

Chucky then jumped into the air with his knife in the air, but before he could land, Ash loaded his gun and shot him three times in the air, and once after he landed. Meanwhile, Andy grabbed Tiffany's arms, and threw her onto the ground in front of him. He then stabbed her in the back with his machete. "The displeasure's all mine!" he said as he lifted her up with his machete. After she stopped squirming, he then swung it down, causing her to fall off. After landing on her face, she weakly tried to get up, but he pinned her down with his foot. Without even saying a witty-oneliner, he cut off her head. "Tiffany!" Chucky yelled in anger as he got up and tackled Andy. "You've cost me a body, my masculinity, and now, my only chance to get laid! I think my life is gonna get much better with you gone!" Chucky raised his knife to stab Andy, and plunged it down towards Andy's heart...only to be caught by Ash's metal hand.

Ash lifted up Chucky by his knife arm. "Hello, Cabbage Patch, my name is Ashley J. Williams, and I believe your out of your package," said Ash as he stuffed Chucky into an empty GoodGuy doll box. "How rude of me," said Ash as Chucky struggled to escape the cardboard prison he had been trapped in. "I forgot to introduce my boomstick!" He pointed his sawed-off-Shotgun at Chucky, who started to struggle a lot faster. "Chucky; boomstick," and with that he fired his boomstick at point blank range. The force knocked Chucky out of the box, and sent him flying across the isle. Ash walked down the isle to where Chucky was laying. The evil doll tried to get up, but Ash shoved the shotgun into his mouth. "boomstick; Chucky." said Ash, "Mmmm... mmmmm!" Chucky was the last thing Chucky said before his head exploded. "Pleased to meet you," said Ash, giving his best impression of Tiffany. "Thanks Ash," said Andy, who looked a bit emasculated at having his ass kicked by a doll."It's alright kid," said Ash. "Now we're even." Glen ripped his way out of the box he'd been hiding in. He jumped at Ash with a knife, but a nail through his heart stopped him in mid-air. He fell back to the ground, clutching his chest. Over the years, Chucky had been able to take more and more internal damage, to the point where being shot through the "heart" no longer killed him. Glen, however, was not Chucky. "You killed my parents, bastards." were his last words before Lisa fired another nail through his head. "How the hell can evil possesed dolls reproduce?" Asked Ash. "I don't know, nor do I want to," Andy replied. They moved on; soon they would reach their destination.

After they left, Glen weakly got up. He looked at the butched remains of his Chucky and Tiffany. He then remembered his voodoo training, and realized he could still help his father. He pulled one of the GoodGuy dolls out of the box. He then crawled to the spot where his father had died, and threw it on top of his father's dead plastic body. He then chanted the words of evil his father had taught him years ago: "eibfijobat eibotiurh rebreugibos!" and died.

There was a great flash of light, and the puddle of blood out side Chucky's body disapeared, as did the internal organs that had occupied the possesed doll. The GoodGuy dolls chest started to rise and fall, as if it were human. It sat up on it's own, and looked around. "Where the hell did every body go?" it said. It then saw it's own dead body, and the bodies of it's wife and son or daughter or whatever Glen was. Chucky picked up his discarded knife, and headed for housewares.

**I thought it was too early to kill off Chucky, but I figured that I could kill off Tiffany, and Glen. I gave Andy a few witty-oneliners, but Ash is still the king. I have much bigger plans for his death. He's not gonna get killed by Ash though. Please R&R, and be prepared to see another killer you may have believed to be out of the picture next chapter. **


	7. Shoot Smart: S Mart!

**Hello, I hope you like this chapter, because I'm fighting against large amounts of writer's block to write it. No joke, I'm making it up as I write this author's note. So...hows it goin'?**

**Ash: Get to the story already!!!**

**So you want to be killed off early in the story?**

**Ash: You won't kill me off, I'm the main character!**

**You won't be very long with that kind of attitude! Anyway, I got some ideas now, so on with the story!**

Andy stared in wonder at the supply of guns that were stored in S-mart. They weren't actually in Housewares, but were in the storage room right under it. "S-mart has people working to get every firearm in this room legalized so they can sell it," said Ash, having worked at S-mart before becoming a cop. The room had sniper rifles, sawed-off shotguns, assault rifles, grenades and even handheld cannons, or knock guns as Ash called them. "When they finally succeed in legalizing a weapon, it goes into the sporting goods isle," Andy didn't question the ethics of this, since he intended to steal these weapons anyway.

As Ash gathered the guns he deemed useful, something caught his eye: one of those new Artillery 5000s! These new SAWs were only legal in Texas and California, and had a built in flamethrower, machine gun, grenade launcher, microwave, and even a boombox. He hefted it over his shoulder. Due to all the features in the thing, there was an instruction manual on how to operate it. After reading it, he picked up the gun, and waited by the trap door that led back up to housewares.

Lisa armed herself with a Winchester, and a speargun; Andy simply got an assault rifle and some grenades. Lisa had the lightest weapons, so she climbed up the ladder first. She got out just in time to be grabbed by Michael Myers!

Ash moved up the ladder with speeds unheard-of for someone hefting an Artillery 5000. Michael threw Lisa against the wall, and picked up the nail gun that she had discarded. He shot her through the ribs, and in the leg. She picked up the speargun and fired it, but he simply caught the spear. He emptied the last three nails in the gun into her shoulders, and knee caps. He then discarded the empty weapon, and went to finish her off with the spear. "Hey, Captain Kirk, over here!" He turned around and was pumped full of lead fired from Ash's Artillery 5000. Ash climbed out of the trapdoor, and walked up to the legendary killer. "No William Shatner wanna be messes with my girlfriend!" Myers suddenly got up and stabbed Ash through the hip with his spear!

Ash dropped his huge weapon in pain. He staggered back, and his nemesis got to his feet. Michael lifted up the spear. Ash started up his chainsaw. "Come get some!" said Ash. Myers charged forward, spear raised. Ash dodged the spear, and swung the chainsaw, but Myers ducked to avoid decapitation. _This guy is definitely smarter than Leatherface, _thought Ash. The two fought for hours, Michael stabbing, and Ash swinging, but neither gained on the other. It was the fight of Ash's life as he fought off the crazed psychopath. "What are you gonna do?" asked Ash, "Shoot me with your photon torpedos?" While they were fighting, Andy aimed his assault rifle at Michael Myers, hoping to slow down the killer so Ash could finish him off with his chainsaw. However, before he could fire, two huge, muscular arms grabbed him. "Your gonna taste good," said Papa Jupiter.

Ash was beginning to slow down, and barely managed to dodge another stab of the spear. "You gonna raise the shields captain?" he asked, mocking the evil man. He dodged a stab aimed for his shoulder, but his arm was cut. He saw a huge man grab Andy. "Shit!" he yelled, as he ducked under another jab. He slashed at Michael's stomach, but the masked asshole jumped back, and his stomack was barely cut. Ash couldn't keep this up much longer. "Hey ugly," yelled Lisa, "suck on this!" a spear hit Michael right through the gut. Ash cut his arm of, then threw kicked him into the trapdoor. "Scotty can't save you now!" Ash said as he threw a grenade into the trapdoor, and shut it. "What kind of sick freak wears a William Shatner mask anyway?"

Ash then picked up his Artillery 5000, and went after Andy. He found him laying at Jupiter's feet. Jupiter was a very large man, and none of him was fat! He had a beard that made Gimili look bald. Andy rolled over, and tried to get up. Jupiter simply stepped on the poor mans chest. Andy pulled out a combat knife and stabbed the large man in the foot, Aragorn style. "You think you can hurt me, weak little rodent?" Ash was angered by the looming death of his comrade. "Maybe not, but I sure will!"

Ash shot the man in the face...with a paintball. _I thought that was the flamethrower, _he thought _I shouldn't have left the instructions in the Boomstick chamber!_ "It takes more than paint to kill me," said Jupiter, clearly amused. "Come get some, Papa Stupider!" Ash yelled. He pressed another button, which lauched a blinding flare. The big man was blinded, giving Ash time. He pressed yet another button, firing more paintballs at the Zeus-look-alike. _Who the hell combines a real gun and a paintball gun? _Yet another button started the radio, which played "Walkin' On Sunshine" _That's ironic, _Jupiter had recovered from the flare, and was walking towards Ash, with the radio still playing. _The arrow buttons must change the channel, so that leaves three buttons left!_ There was a blue one, a green one, and a red one. He decided to press the green one first. The radio still played; the happy music made light of the situation.

"I'm walkin' on sunshine, whoa'oh!" At first nothing happened, but victory was confirmed when... "I'm walkin' on sunshine, whoa'oh!"...he heard the sound of explosive diaria came from Jupiter's pants. "I'm walkin' on sunshine, whoa'oh!" One of the two remaining buttons was the flamethrower, and the other was the grenade launcher, which would kill him, Jupiter, and Andy. He only had seconds before a very pissed Jupiter was close enough to hurt him. "I'm walkin' on sunshine, whoa'oh!" He tried to use the machine gun, but he was out of ammo. _I hate this gun! _"I'm walkin' on sunshine, whoa'oh!" He pressed the red button.

"I'm walkin' on sunshine, whoa'oh!"

**Ash: not another cliff-hanger! **

**Yes, I plan to put a terrible cliff-hanger in every chapter up to the end! Even the end of this story will contain a cliff-hanger! I think I should explain something; but I'll let Ash do it for me. He had a reason for calling Michael Myers Captain Kirk.**

**Ash: For you idiots that didn't get it, Michael Myers original mask was William Shatner mask that was spray painted white. William Shatner plays Kirk in Star Trek, or played him since Kirk is dead now. **

**Anyway, the "Walkin' On Sunshine" bit was for all you songfic fans out there, which I don't really have a problem with, but just thought it was funny. I hope my fans like it, and I'm wondering if I should post it in the Chucky section to get more reviews. I intend to have a certain beloved Vampire killer show up in the next chapter, but it won't be D, since he's too powerful, and would overshadow the other characters. Well, please R&R!**


	8. Burning Hope

**I'm back, with another chapter. Sorry for the long wait, if it's any consolation, I thought I'd already posted this chapter, but I must not have. Now it's deleted, and I've got to retype the whole thing! Damn it! It was a good chapter too, and I'll probably forget some of the good parts! **

**Ash: Spidey...is that you? It's good to see you! **

**Did you...miss me?! That's rather uncharacteristic. **

**Ash: No, I just want to know what the hell happens to Papa Stupider! **

**Well anyway, heres the disclaimer... in song: (in a deep Opratic voice) I... Don't... Own... Nightmare on Elmstreet, Friday the 13, Dead Silent, Storm of The Century, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Child's Play, Halloween or Evil Dead. (No longer singing) There may be more that I forgot to mention, but if so either I don't remember them, or all characters from them have been killed already. The beloved vampire slayer will not be included yet, nor will she ever since I'm replacing her with a similar OC, so I won't have to explain her being away from Sunny Dale. **

**On with the story...**

Beautiful, glorious, and lifesaving flames shot forth from the weapon. Ash felt like dancing with joy at the horrifically beautiful fire that had just saved his life. His one thought was: _I love this gun!_

He had Papa Jupiter, who was covered in paint, and whose pants were filled with crap, did not have the same opinion of thes flames, for above reasons, plus they were headed toward him. The flames engulfed his upper torso like the flames of Hell. The flame thrower ran out of gas shortly afterward, but it had accomplished it's mission, as the evil cannible was already on fire. The man pulled off his flaming shirt, but his beard was still on fire, and he had some nasty burns. The fact that the man he'd been trying to kill started dumping paint on him from behind didn't help at all, nor did the fact that he other guy was shooting him with a paintball gun. Soon he was on the ground writhing from all the pain, and hoping that his pants didn't catch fire. What most people didn't know about him, is that he was never poddy trained, thought he had been changing himself for many years now. The little accident that had happened at the exact moment the man that looks like Bruce Camble had pressed the green button had been contained perfectly in the diaper. His pants began to catch fire, as he looked up at the man who had killed him. "Who are you?" were the cannibles last words, as the flames began to die down. "The names Ash, and I'll see you in Hell..." At that moment, his bowels realised, and the diaper caught fire.

Just when Ash thought the flames were starting to die down, the fire flared up again in one last glorious blaze. This final blast was so beautiful, that they forgot all about Lisa for several seconds. They didn't even notice the smell till it finally burnt out, having run out of fuel. "Thanks Ash," said Andy. "Don't mention it ki..." Ash sniffed the air, then covered his nose. "Smells like burnt shit!" he exclaimed. It was.

They returned to Lisa, who was kind of in bad shape. "We gotta get her to a hospital," said Andy. "Well no shit Sherlock!" yelled Ash, angrily. Just then a bald, chubby man, with white hair, and a beard ran up and said "Are you Elaine Lisa Stroder?" She nodded. "My name is Doctor Lumus, and I'm hunting down a killer named Michael Myers, and your related to him and we have to get you out of here before he..." Ash cut in. "Is he medium height, with uncombed hair, and wearing a white William Shatner mask?" Dr. Lumus nodded. "Oh god, he's already here! You must flee this place, I'll stay here and try to..." Ash cut him off again. "Already taken care of," he said, pointing to the smoke coming from the trapdoor where Ash had thrown the grenade. "You may think you've defeated him, but he can't be killed, I've tried..." Ash cut him off yet again, very pissed off at this point. "Well you obviously didn't try hard enough!" It was at that point, that Michael Myers crawled out of the trapdoor.

Dr. Lumus began ranting about Michael Myers being unkillable, and firing at him with his hand gun, though his aim sucked. Michael grabbed Ash's leg, tripped him, and managed to drag him into the pit. "We must run, for it, since there's nothing we can do for Ash now!" said Lumus, who tried to drag Andy and Lisa away to no avail. "I'm not going to leave Ash!" said Andy. Lumus started to yell at the boy. "He's already..." "...dead?" asked a familiar voice. Lumus turned to see Ash climbing out of the hole. He then threw something at Lumus's feet. "Thanks for having faith in me, Dr. Vink," Dr. Lumus looked down, and recognized what had been thrown at his feet: Michael Myers' head! "Who are you?" asked Dr. Lumus. "Ashley J. Williams, ex-housewares employee! I just got a job as a cop, but I'm off duty; now make yourself useful and call an ambulance and the police!"

"The police are dead," said Lumus. "What?" said Ash. "I went to the police station, and it was wrecked, and there were bodies everywhere," said Lumus. He'd only been a cop for a week, and now he was the only one left. Just like that, any plans he'd had were useless. He could no longer go home, call the police, and relax till he was called to duty. That had pretty much been his plan. Maybe he could get in his car with Andy and Elaine, leave town, and head for the nearest town with a hospital. That might work, he could even tell the police of that town of the current situation, and let them come in to handle it. Most of the townsfolk owned guns or some kind of weapons, and could defend themselves if need be...but what about the "special killers" that Andy had told him about. Noone in town could stand up to Jason, or Freddy. Well, almost noone...

"Ash, are you OK?" asked Lisa. Ash looked at her with an expression she'd seen only once before, on the same day they'd shared their first kiss, the day that she'd fallen in love with him. "Dr. Vink, you drive Lisa to the nearest hospital that's still occupied, and guard her with your life," he said. "Lisa, don't argue, I love you, but your in no shape to kick some psychotic murdering ass right now," He turned to Andy. "Kid, you can come with me if you want, but don't plan on being safe any time soon, cause we're gonna be on a mission that will likely put us in more danger than we we're in now," Ash smiled, and loaded his shotgun. "As of now, Ashley J. Williams is back on duty!"

**Ash has a plan! Should we be worried? **

**Ash: No, my plans usually work.**

**For example that one plan you had to trick the Necronomicon by muttering the words, your plan to escape from the cabin, and lets not forget your awesome plan to take your girlfriend, your sister, and your best friend and his girlfriend to go to a cabin in the woods!**

**Ash: Thanks for reminding me of that, with the constant nightmares I tend to forget! **

**Sorry, bad joke. Any way, if you want to see how ash's plan turns out, you'll have to read the next chapter. This chapter is a bit different from the original, since I made finishing off Michael Myers a bit harder this time around. I hope you like this chapter, cause the next one may be a while in the making. R&R **


	9. Parking Lot Melee

**A/N: -chops hole in door, and sticks head through- Here's SPIDEY! -tries to pull head out- Crap, now I'm stuck...stupid horror movies, making me do this. **

**Ash: Spidey! -points shotgun at Spidey- WHY HAVEN'T YOU UPDATED? **

**Spidey: Meh, I gave up for a while, so sue me! But I remembered that this was my second fanfiction, and I missed it, so I went back to writing it! I don't care if I get reviews for this anymore, as I get reviews for my other stories now! From now on, I'm going back to writing this for FUN, and for practice writing fight scenes with Ash. Oh, also, I'm going to re-write some of the earlier chapters, so Ash in this story is no longer a cop, but more of a small business owner. I don't know what I was thinking making him a cop. Enjoy!**

_S-mart, Front Parking lot. _

Armed with the best weapons they could find in the store, Ash, Andy, Lumis, and Lisa walked out of the store and into the parking lot, where several people dressed in what looked like hospital robes or wearing obviously stolen clothing, were breaking into the cars that remained in the parking lot.

Several of them turned to see the four people, and pulled out various knives, chains, and other weapons.

"Gimme your money, and you're keys, and I won't have to have fun!" said a tall, blond man who was dressed like a derranged wanna-be penguin complete with a top hat, and a cane. His clothes were covered with price tags, and most likely stolen quite recently.

"Want some fun Willy Wonka?" said Ash, pointing his gun at the man. "Come get some,"

"guns are for cowards!" said the man, rushing forward with his cane, raising it over his head as if to hit Ash with it.

The man rushed forward, swinging his cane at Ash, but Ash simply smacked him acrossed the face with the butt of his shotgun, then kicked him between the legs.

"Well you just got PWNed by a coward then," said Ash, before shoving the man to the ground, and continuing to move forward.

"Candypants, Dr. Vic, you stay behind me," he said. "Kid, you stay up here in front with me; and don't shoot unless we face another supernatural, or if someone pulls a gun on us. We don't need to waste ammo,"

"Whatever," said Andy, holding a baseball bat he'd found in the toy department.

A man rushed at Andy with a pipe, but he side stepped it and struck the man in the face with the bat, knocking him out, and kept moving.

Another man, wielding a hack saw, rushed at Ash with the weapon, but was knocked out by an uppercut via Ash's metal hand. Andy, meanwhile, stopped another would-be attacker with a kick to the head.

Ash caught a chain with his metal hand, and raised an eyebrow.

"Thing about chained weapons," he said, before jerking the person that swung it at him forward, and wrapping the chain around his kneck. "If you're too stupid to know when to let go, it's easy to use 'em against you!"

Ash shoved the killer forward into a street light, knocking the man unconcious.

After several minutes of fighting, the group finally reached Ash's Oldsmobile, and got in.

"GET OUT OF THE CAR!" yelled another ex-inmate, pointing a gun at the group from behind the vehicle. "I'M TAKIN' THIS VEHICLE!"

"Um, no," said Ash, putting the car into reverse. "Everyone, get down, now,"

The other passengers in the car obliged, ducking as low as they could to lessen the chance of them getting shot.

"I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T GET OUT! I SWEAR I WILL!" said the gunman, firing a shot through the window. "I SAID GET OUT OF THE..."

At that point, Ash slammed on the gas, causing the car to back into the gunman, who fired one more shot before disappearing beneath the car.

"And I said no," said Ash, before turning the car around, and driving away.

"OK doc, where are you parked?" said Ash.

"Um...see that car there," said Dr. Lumis, pointing to a car that was trashed beyond repair, with almost every part stolen.

"Yeah," said Ash.

"that was my car," said Dr. Lumis.

"Well, looks like we're all heading to the hospital then," said Ash, as he pulled out of the parking lot. "Andy, aim your gun out the window and prepare to cover us; we're gonna have one helluva fight ahead of us,"

**A/N: OK, here are the Deaths so far: The Hitcher, Bride of Chucky (can't remember her name), Gwen, Michael Myers, and Papa Jupiter. Please R&R!**


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